Letter to Whitney Houston’s Family: ‘There Are No Answers’
Bobby Brown arrested for DUI in California; while world awaits full autopsy results of Whitney Houston after her death, bereavement counselor Allison Daily writes a letter to Houston’s family on how to get through the grief
Bobby Brown was arrested in California on suspicion of driving under the influence on Monday, just four days after the Los Angeles County Coroner’s office released the results of its autopsy of the singer’s ex-wife, Whitney Houston. Brown was released from jail shortly before 2 p.m. Houston died Feb. 11 after she collapsed in the bathtub of her hotel; she apparently used cocaine just before getting into the bath, the coroner said.
While the full autopsy report is expected to be released within two weeks and questions still abound as to whether illegal substances were found in Houston’s hotel room or whether someone cleaned them up, Houston’s family continues to grapple with the tragic loss of their loved one.
Allison Daily, author of Out of the Canyon, A True Story of Loss and Love and a bereavement counselor at Aspen Valley Hospital, here writes a letter to Whitney Houston’s family as they struggle to come to terms with the global superstar’s death…
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Growing up, I listened to Whitney Houston’s music, pretending I was her as I belted out “I Will Always Love You.” I think I saw the movie “The Bodyguard” a total of 10 times, watching it again just after she died.
As someone who counsels others when a loved one dies, I thought of her family and her daughter often in the days and weeks following her death. I wondered how they were coping, having their grief and Whitney’s death become such a spectacle. I began to think of what I would say to them, if I could, and I wrote the following letter, mostly to Whitney and Bobby Brown’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina:
To Whitney Houston’s Family,
We do not know one another and yet I can’t stop thinking of how hard this time must be for you. I am a grief counselor at a hospital and have experienced personal grief, but I have rarely had to deal with a death in the spotlight as you all are doing now. My prayers for you include the space and safe place to let down and feel every emotion you need to.
The hardest part about death is the finality. The ‘no mores’ … No more holidays together, no more phone conversations, no more hugs. Yet part of our mind yearns to hold on to the possibility that there is some chance we may all of a sudden wake up and realize all of this is just a horrible nightmare. When I lost my brother to suicide I found myself looking for him in the grocery store, in his car, anywhere. Even years later. Part of me held out hope that somehow it was just an awful mistake.
Related: What Does Grief Look Like?
There are no answers to all of the pain and sorrow you feel. There are no rules to grief. It is one of those mazes in which you simply must see which way works for you. There is no right or wrong way. There is just the way that goes straight to the heart of what you feel and what your heartache needs. Above all, be easy on yourself during this time. Drop the judgment of yourself and those around you. Let others grieve in their own way and you find your path. Lean into the pain when you are able – allow yourself to process and express as much as you can; other times, ease off and take a break from the intensity.
Related: Whitney Houston Reminds Us – Confront Substance Abusers
When I think of Whitney’s many public struggles, I wonder if above all the greatest thing you can do for her is to honor and remember her for all of the beauty she gave this world. However her personal problems affected you will surely come out in your own grief process yet, in the end, the highest honor you can give her is to take your own high road. Find your own center, the place where you are healthy, and live your life in a way that she always wished she could have.
Allison Daily
After all is said and done, all one really has to give is honoring and remembering the one they’ve lost. Whitney was an exceptionally gifted woman. She was beautiful, and no matter what emotional state she was in, there was a vulnerability to her that drew so many to her.
I know you have said you feel her, Bobbi Kristina. I hope you continue to feel her. I believe that there are so many things she still has left to tell you. She must ache to hold you again, to touch you and tell you how precious you are to her. Maybe she tells you those things even in her death. I hope so.
WATCH: Allison and Art Daily Found Hope Through Grief
You will likely never see this. I write it mostly for myself, because it sits inside of me and waits to be said. Maybe it will help someone else in need. I hope you know that the world thinks of you and grieves with you.
With Compassion,
Allison Daily
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Category: Loss & Grieving, Relationships, Views on the News
Excellent article, Allison. Thank you for reminding us to honor and remember those who have died.