Do you want to find love this year? Have you ever wished you could “have it all?” This is your year!
Follow these steps to finally find love in 2014:
Step 1: Get completely clear about who you desire.
“The List” or not “The List?” That is the question. The answer is … absolutely The List. Make a list of 100 qualities you desire in your mate. Then, make a list of the 100 amazing qualities about you. Are you afraid to ask for what you really desire? When you make a wishy-washy list, you will attract a wishy-washy mate. You don’t think “he” is out there? If you exist, he exists.
Step 2: Decide you will attract love this year.
Decisions trump resolutions. The definition of a resolution is “a formal expression of opinion or intention.” Decision comes from the Latin word “decider,” which means, “to cut off from.” When you make a decision, you cut off any other possibility. Instead of just stating an intention and hoping it will come true, dare to decide and leave no other option but love.
Step 3: Make love #1 in your life.
Are you having trouble coming up with your priority list for 2012? Let me help you:
- #1 Love.
- #2 The rest.
True love is the path to everything … everything. Love motivates us to be successful in all aspects in life, from our careers to our relationships. When you allow love to drive your life, you will get what you want. Commit to love and love commits to you.
Step 4: Screw self-help!
It’s not about being complete, it’s about completely loving the real you. You are not broken. There is nothing to fix about you. As soon as you accept the authentic you, “he” will too. My life was a mess when my man came into my life. Please note: my life was a mess, not me. I was authentically me … with a lot of things happening with my family. He completely accepted me for who I am, and is standing next to me through the mess.
Stop taking life so seriously. What is more attractive: women having fun or women being serious? Take yourself on 30 Dates in 30 Days™ and have a blast! Brainstorm a list of 30 things you love to do and go do them. What is fun to you? What makes you giggle? What would make you giddy like a schoolgirl again? Do that. That’s hot.
And while you are at it: Stop Looking. How do you “find” love? You don’t. Be the real you, go out and have fun with your girlfriends, be open, and love will come to you.
How to Avoid Failure in Love This Year
Have you tried countless times to find love before, and failed? Follow these guidelines to avoid future failure in love:
Let love go. The cliché is true: If you love someone, let them go.
A variation on the theme is: If you want love, let it go. Make your list, check it twice, and trust Santa. As a child, did you doubt Santa? Now is not the time to start. Once you know what you want in love, let it go.
Stop trying to time love. This cliché is also true: Love comes into your life when you least expect it.
I lived a fabulous lifestyle in Aspen and was on my way to living a fabulous lifestyle in New York City. I had a plan, then life got beautifully messy. I came back to my hometown in Ohio to take care of my wonderful parents; I love them and I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I’m a control freak and my life was completely in chaos, and that’s when “he” came into my life. He saw on Facebook that I was coming to town, he asked me out to dinner, he wooed and courted me like a queen, and now we’re madly in love!
Don’t settle for “someone.”
Another way to avoid failure in attracting love this year is to not settle. The first time I did my 30 Dates in 30 Days™ in 2004, it didn’t work! Why? Because I skipped Step 1, which was “The List.” Within 30 days of completing my 30 dates, someone came into my life, but he wasn’t the one. Don’t make this mistake.
Have an affair … with you!
When you’ve been in a relationship in the past, did your life ever revolve around him? He doesn’t want that. He fell in love with a fascinating woman with a fulfilling life. Be the woman he fell in love with in the beginning. Get a life and get back to being you. Take yourself on a fabulous two-hour affair every week—the more mysterious, the better. Trust me, he’ll find that sexy!
Forget the fear.
One of the other challenges my clients face is freaking out when they get what they want. The most incredible man came into my life and I kept saying, “I’m scared.” He patiently let me be scared until I came to the conclusion that it was silly. When I forgot the fear, our relationship flourished.
You can have it all…with the right man.
The only thing getting in the way of what you desire in love is you. Have you ever said to yourself, “When I lose 10 pounds, then I can start dating?” Or, “when I finally get that promotion, then I’ll be ready for a relationship?” The real reason I was single until I was 41 is because I couldn’t overcome my conundrum of love versus ambition. I thought that love and career success were mutually exclusive. Unfortunately, I had evidence to support it: One ex ran away when I wrote my book; another ex pulled away when I was on Vh1. Exes are exes for a reason.
What is the solution to having it all? Only say, “Yes” to the right man – the one who gets you and can handle you … all of you. When I told my current boyfriend that I’m moving from Ohio to New York City to pursue my dream of having my own television show, he said he “100 percent supports” me. That is love. That is a real man. He was the cure to my conundrum and the right man for me. With the right man, you can have it all!
So what is my New Year’s resolution? My man and I made the decision to “have it all … with each other” – and we do.
My wish for you is to find the right love for you this year!
Tasha The Love Coach
- For more daily expert updates, follow genConnect on Twitter and Facebook.
- To stay on top of Tasha Dimling’s latest posts, as well as the contributions from other experts on the site: Sign Up for genConnect.