The Importance of Being Honest in Any Relationship
Have you ever pretended to be something you are not in order to attract someone? Are you pretending you love jogging in order to date a marathon runner? Are you overcompensating by being artificially sweet? Even the smallest fibs that seem harmless at first, such as acting like you love football, will come back and bite you. You’ll end up spending every weekend and Monday night eating wings and watching the games.
If you are pretending, you will get caught. Projection is: Whatever the truth is on the inside is being broadcast out to the world, whether you like it or not. Many of my clients have told me that they’ve played dumb for a man. Why? for a highly successful woman dating someone who may not be as accomplished, there can be fears that her achievements could come across intimidating. Don’t play dumb. Don’t devalue yourself. Your date will be more insulted that you felt the need to do that.
Opposites attract. Don’t worry if you don’t like all the same things. Your relationship is not doomed. I chatted with a man on the gondola in Aspen, C.O. the other day. He said he’s madly in love with his wife of 18 years, and the only activity they have in common is … what they do in the bedroom!
Send authentic signals. When I first moved 10 years ago to Aspen, I pretended I loved to ski as an attempt to attract men. I spent thousands of dollars on ski lessons, trying to force a self-fulfilling prophecy. Turns out, I didn’t need to. I soon learned that the men I was dating, all of whom were phenomenal skiers, accepted and adored the fact that I wasn’t great at the sport but had a ball doing hanging out.
The last time you went out, or flirted on Facebook, what signals did you send? Did you tell any white lies to get a guy? Being the real you is respectful. Even if you’re shy, you can be real without exposing yourself right away. An easy response to a question you’re not ready to answer is, “Why do you want to know?”.
Don’t trick him to attract him. If you’re seeking a committed relationship, don’t give signals that you’re simply looking for a casual hookup with no strings attached. Both of you will get hurt in the end.
Be upfront with what you really want. You are a beautiful, unique woman worthy of the kind of love you desire. If you only want great sex, great! Don’t be afraid to ask for that. It’s not about being something you are not in order to attract someone; it’s about being the real you to attract Mr. Right. Celebrate your eccentricities—your amazing and quirky character traits, how intelligent you are, your wacky sense of humor, your attention to detail!
More From Love Coach Tasha Dimling:
Stop Preparing for Marriage … And You Will Get Married
- Are you pretending to be something you’re not in order to attract someone?
- What are your favorite eccentric qualities about you? And why do they make you fabulous?
- What do you really want your love life to look like?
It is my pleasure to assist you in love.
Tasha The Love Coach
Click here to sign up for more relationship advice from Tasha Dimling, and other genConnect relationship experts.