One of Patti Stanger’s favorite relationship experts is Dr. Pat Allen, a marriage and family therapist, contributing expert on genConnect and a special guest star on Stanger’s hit Bravo series “The Millionaire Matchmaker.”
“No woman in this world is going to get the guy until they talk to Dr. Pat Allen first,” Stanger said in a video on Dr. Allen’s site.
In Dr. Allen’s new book, The Answers Book From Dr. Pat Allen, she focuses on the big question: Why don’t I have a great relationship?
Dr. Allen’s theory? Because you are unaware of the “energy systems” that exist in relationships. Relationships are most successful when there’s an exchange of complementary energies, meaning female (yin) and male energy (yang), but they are not completely gender-based. One of each type in a partnership works best. In her book, Dr. Allen discusses these energy systems and offers tips on identifying yours. For example, you are considered yang if you like: Giving, protecting and cherishing, and want your thinking respected first. You are considered yin if you prefer to be: Receptive, available and respecting, and want your feelings cherished first.
For more from Dr. Pat Allen on genConnect:
- Watch Our Relationship Expert Dr. Pat Allen on “The Millionaire Matchmaker”
- Why Good Women Stay With Bad Men
- Dr. Pat Allen: Do You Want to Get Laid or Paid? (VIDEO)
But Dr. Allen cautions: “If you like giving, if you like protecting, if you like cherishing, are you yin or yang? Yang! And who will you partner best with? A yin. If you go with another yang, and you don’t know this principal, you will fight. You will fight.”
Stanger and Dr. Allen have their strong views on sex in common, as well. Stanger is full of one-liners on her show about steering clear of sex before monogamy, and Dr. Allen recommends getting a commitment before you have sex that bonds – what she refers to as an “entrance” fee. For your health and sanity, she suggests you find out your partner’s plans for the relationship’s longevity, exclusivity and continuity, before getting too comfortable.
“The worst dating deal in town is when you don’t talk about it and you think you’re falling in love and the other person is thinking you are just friendly sex partners,” Dr. Allen says. “Be careful who you have sex with, you may become so bonded you won’t be able to pull away and get a better man.”
Dr. Allen also believes there are three different kinds of dating: Duty dating, which occurs when one is practicing dating skills and is not based on chemistry; real dating, which is when you are mutually attracted to someone and you go out together; and courtship, which is when you know you are looking for a relationship and both parties are looking to mate.
While you’re duty dating, Dr. Allen recommends that you date “at least three different people at a time, for at least three dates each, unless they are repulsive, immoral, unethical or illegal.” Or, as she puts it, “date them three times unless they are wearing an orange jumpsuit with a number on the back.”
Good advice to date by!
To learn more about Dr. Pat Allen’s new book, visit her Web site.