Every day leading to Valentine’s Day, genConnect’s best-in-class experts will provide you with new tips and perspectives on how to enhance your love life. Check this page daily for a new tip by a new expert
Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, highly accredited psychosexual therapist, co-author of The Orgasm Answer Guide and board member of the World Association for Sexual Health.
“Plan ahead. Couples with children or family members who live with them means less privacy for intimacy, so plan ahead if you would like to have a romantic night with your partner so that you could put aside a little private time for the two of you. Or maybe you are among those who get more buzz when other people are around and they might be caught. Whatever works for you…. Either way, planning doesn’t hurt!”
“Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to tell your partner what you appreciate about him or her and have your partner do the same.”
Susan Wysocki, RNC, President and CEO of the National Association of Nurse Practitioners in Women’s Health and nationally recognized speaker and opinion leader in the field of women’s health.
“Great sex has many variations. A recent report in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (JSM) by researchers at Indiana University reported 40 different combinations of sexual practices. Viva variation.”
“Great sex does not hurt. The same study in JSM reported that one third of women reported that sex hurt during their last sexual encounter. Women should find a health care provider that will talk to them about sex and how to make it better for them. In particular, post-menopausal women should be aware that vaginal dryness can be “cured.”"
Rachel Sussman, LCSW, Marriage & Family Therapist and Relationship Expert working in private practice with individuals, couples, and families.
“Letting go. If there is any baggage you are hanging onto – past relationships, life stress, chatter in your brain, a need to be in control, insecurities – heal and release them. Then allow yourself to be in the moment and totally free.”
“Knowing what ignites your passion. Although sex is a mutual experience there has to be something great in it for you. This means understanding your own sexuality which includes what turns you on, and subsequently, what turns you off. This also means being at ease with your body and feeling comfortable as a sexual being.”
“Healthy communication. Sex is a great way to explore the art of both verbal and non-verbal communication. It’s important to get comfortable being a sexual communicator – it will open many doors for you both in and outside of the bedroom.”
Dr. Alan Tepp, Clinical Psychologist who received his doctoral training at the Northwestern University Medical School in Chicago, IL and obtained Post-doctoral training in Child and Adolescent Psychology at the Yale University School of Medicine.
“Great Sex is most likely when the following is in place:
-Both of you embody experienced, empathic touch
-You are comfortable with asking for what you want/need and comfortable giving what your partner wants/needs.
-You enjoy attuned synchronicity with your partner.
-You are responsive to your partner’s signals.
-Both of you have the freedom to explore while staying connected
-Both of you are comfortable with trusting each other.
-You are open to creating sexual opportunities”
Dr. Janet Taylor, Clinical Instructor of Psychiatry at Columbia University affiliated Harlem Hospital, Contributing Editor BeWell.com, Psychiatrist in Private Practice, Astra Zeneca Pharmaceuticals- Speaker Network, Psychiatrist-Family Circle Magazine “Ask Dr. Janet.
“Indulge a fantasy. Think about a fantasy, discuss it and make it happen.”
“Love your body. Throw all negative self-talk out the window. Work with what you got!”
“Be nice to each other. Desire for women is fueled by emotional intimacy. Focus on your relationship.”
Julie Spira, Cyber Dating Expert and author of the best-selling online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
“Take it S.L.O.W. while getting in the mood for sex. When you meet someone that you connect with, of course you will fantasize about how they will be in the bedroom. Take the time to get to know someone before you hop in the sack. Make sure you of course that you practice safe sex and have the talk about whether you are looking for a casual or committed relationship, so there are no disappointments the morning after.”
“The anticipation of great sex starts before your clothes end up on the floor. For women, I recommend wearing an outfit that makes you feel sexy, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not. Toss out the old flannels and nighties and bring out the sexy lingerie. Even if you are sleeping alone, you’re mentally preparing yourself for feeling sexy when it’s time to add a man in your life. Create rituals that include bubble baths, candles, and listen to sexy music such as Marvin Gaye before going out on date night. Wear sexy bras and panties under your clothes when you go out for the evening. You will come across as sexy and confident and that is attractive to a man.”
“Once in a sexual relationship, take the time. Enjoy the foreplay, and be fun and flirty. Satisfy each other from head-to-toe. Start with a nice foot massage to get in the mood for sex. Wear a pair of long costume pearls with your lingerie and don’t be so quick to undress. Ladies, I recommend leaving the board room behind and come home to your man with bedroom eyes. No one wants to hear about the drama at work.
Dr. Marianne Brandon, clinical psychologist and Diplomat in sex therapy through AASECT, Director of Wellminds Wellbodies LLC, author of Monogamy: The Untold Story.
“A mutually loving, respectful relationship provides the groundwork for passionate intimate connection. So taking time to open your heart before making love can enable sex to enter deeper, more meaningful realms. Purposefully feel your love for your partner before even getting into bed, and look into your partners eyes while making love.”
“Remember that when we gift others sexually, we receive in the end. That’s because when we gift others it releases pleasure chemicals in our own brains. Plus, when we please our partner, it makes them want to please us more in return. In this way, you become part of a loving, giving feedback loop.”
“Always bring something new and fresh to your relationship, as well as your sex life. Newness releases pleasure chemicals in your brain, and helps to counteract staleness and habituation. Being engaged and interested in the world will translate into increased engagement in your sexual connection. Trying new things in the bedroom will do the same – like making love on the kitchen table, or bring ice cubes or food into your bed.”
Suzi Carr, Recording Artist with 6 #1 records, Writer/Singer/Music Producer, Massage Therapist, Reflexologist, Acupressurist , Reiki Master, Astrologer, and Numerologist with a degree in Psychology.
“There must be chemistry…period. You either have it or you don’t, it’s natural and trust me you’ll know if you have it!”
“There must be an emotional connection. As women we must surrender to a man in order to experience the magic. We have to feel safe and loved in order to surrender our body and heart to him. That’s when we can let go and be fully present which brings me to the next thing.”
“You must be fully Present. ’Caught Up In The Rapture’ of making love is when I feel the most alive, the happiest, and the most fulfilled. There is no place I would rather be….ever! I love looking into my lover’s eyes and I love the way he looks into my eyes, like he’s seeing into my soul. It’s actually the only time I don’t have to make an effort to be present…..I’m automatically fully in the moment! I wish I could be that alive and blissful every waking moment!”
“It helps to have lots of appreciation, kissing and foreplay! My lover and I kiss from the time he walks in the door till the time he leaves. Short kisses, long wet kisses, cheek kisses, back kisses, you name it we kiss it! When we’re together we appreciate and adore eachother…it’s our honeymoon time. We spend at least 20 to 30 minutes doing ‘everything but’ before he actually enters me and by that time I’m begging for it…..and this has been going on for 12 years! Thank you God!”
“Keep the ecstacy going for a long time before you both have your orgasms. And Ladies if you’re lucky enought to have multiples, urge him to go as long as you like. Stopping and starting helps the man to achieve this. My lover and I stop and makeout a lot and sometimes we go for over an hour of pure ecstacy. We as women are lucky enough to build up to a plateau of arousal and stay there…like riding a wave….for a very long time.”
“It helps when he hits your g-spot. It takes years to awaken the g-spot and when it finally awakens it will enable you to have a Female Ejaculation Orgasm. In Tantra they refer to this as the nectar of the goddess. It is a more intense orgasm that is both vaginal and clitoral. It’s so good it makes you cry!”
These are my suggestions for achieving great sex. And remember…never criticize….ever! Treating your lover with kindness and respect in and out of the bedroom is KEY!
Fred Devito, founder of Exhale Spa, an urban spa oasis merging mind and body, and co-creator of the Core Fusion class at Exhale.
“Get close at least once a day. Hug, hold, cuddle, massage, pay attention and bring comfort to your partner without expecting anything in return.”
“Be attractive. Take care of yourself. Caring about how you look not only makes you more attractive to your partner but gives you greater self confidence.”
“Planned sex is great, but have your antenna up for the possibility of spontaneous loving. Seize the moment if it presents itself!”
“When you are both working hard, long days, the kids are home etc…..motivation for sex is sometimes low…..remember one thing, the hardest part of making love is getting started. You should always enjoy the act itself and you usually always feel good and much closer to your partner right afterwards so sometimes you need to push yourself to generate the initial energy but it will always pay off with a great outcome!”
“Having regular sex is a corner stone to any relationship, make it important and express your desires to your partner on a daily basis.”
“Have sex. It can’t be great if it’s non-existent. While it’s okay to be too tired or have a headache for a few nights in a row, by the fifth night it’s time to put yourself in the mood. You can’t put off sex for weeks and expect your mate to be happy about it.”
“Have daytime sex. Who said darkness is romantic? If nighttime is for sleeping, then plan time for a weekend afternoon session. Turn off your phones, close the blinds and invite your partner to meet you in the bedroom.”
“Just say it. If you could tell your mate exactly what you wanted him or her to do for you, what would you say? The next time you’re in bed together, whisper “I want to tell you a secret …” and then share at least one of those things you really want. Then ask, “Do you have a secret you want to share with me?” Great sex requires having the courage to be assertive.”
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