Want More Intimacy? Make Love with Your Clothes On

[ 0 ] February 14, 2013 |

Want to have the best sex you’ve ever had? EVER? Well here’s how. And you won’t believe me until you try it. So you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.

The next time you are going to make love, KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON. I mean, for the entire experience. Forget about penetration, orgasm, and all that jazz that distracts us from what the experience is really about.

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I’m sure you think I’m crazy. But there’s no better way to learn how to add depth and intensity to your lovemaking. It may take a little practice. But making love with your clothes on will force you to rely on the most powerful aspects of intimacy – those same aspects that you ignore because you are so focused on your and your partner’s genitals. But if you take everyone’s pelvis out of the picture, you will really learn what love-making is all about.

Let me explain…

When you make love with your clothes on, it allows you to concentrate on all of the facets of love-making that take your experience from boring sex into tender bliss. These are the skills that men have developed when women recall the most sensual sexual experience of their lives – when a woman feels totally ravished, completely consumed, and fully loved. They are the skills that women use  when men feel that their partner totally opened for them, responded to them, allowed them into her body and heart and soul. When couples have these abilities, then the inevitable toll that aging takes on their bodies’ matters so much less. Penis size, low libido, premature ejaculation, and vulvar pain all become less distressing.

Related: Don’t Let Body Image Collide With Your Sex Life

Making love with your clothes on means you must focus on your loving connection, the “energy” you and your partner exchange, your vocalizations, the ways you look at your partner and let your partner see inside your own eyes, the ways your bodies move together, how you touch your partner – particularly their face and hands, and any sweet words you chose to whisper, such as “I love you,” or “you are so beautiful,” or “you mean so much to me,” or “Thank you for making my life so meaningful.”

In sum, making love with your clothes on forces you to really make love.  You have to show up. No pretending. No distractions. No sex for purely physical release that perhaps leaves your partner feeling a little used or irrelevant. You have to leave all your bad habits at the door. 

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One other reason why making love with your clothes on works so well is that it removes the pressure to perform. For example, men have been taught to focus so much on the size of their penis and how they use it. What men have not been taught is how to make love to a woman. They have not been taught that love-making is about so much more than their penis. So clothes-on love-making gives them an opportunity to not have to worry about how long they are lasting, or how erect they are. It allows them to focus on what really matters to a woman.

I have talked quite a bit about how important it is for a woman to learn to at least occasionally surrender to her lover in order to reach a more ecstatic love-making state. Well, when a woman keeps her clothes on, she feels more protected in a very basic way. This allows her to experiment with surrendering to her partner energetically – falling into her partner, letting her body go, and being more vulnerable – which is truly how sexual surrender is achieved. As she becomes more comfortable with this experience, she can slowly bring these skills to her clothes-off love-making.

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But be prepared. If you do this right, it will be a vulnerable-feeling experience for both of you. No longer can you escape intimacy by closing your eyes, focusing on your orgasm, or pretending to be present when you are really thinking about what you have to get done in the morning. So this kind of love-making forces a level of intimacy that may be uncomfortable at first. But it’s so so worth it. Because remember, over time, even great lovers get bored. And your body isn’t necessarily happy to make love to the same partner for 5 decades. So it’s necessary to add to your sexual repertoire over time, so that you can bring as much as possible to your monogamous connection. For that reason alone, this is a critical practice for most couples.

Dr. Marianne Brandon

In sum, I highly recommend making love with your clothes on. If you want to try it but you expect that your partner will think it’s silly, then you have a few options. Have them read this article. Or, simply tell them that you don’t want to make love but you do want to feel intimate with them, so are they willing to keep their clothes on tonight? Most people will agree to that, even if it doesn’t make sense to them. And be patient with yourself and your lover – learning new skills is a process, it doesn’t happen overnight.

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Category: Intimacy, Relationships, Views on the News

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About Dr. Marianne Brandon: Dr. Marianne Brandon is a clinical psychologist and Diplomat in sex therapy through AASECT. Dr. Brandon is Director of Wellminds Wellbodies LLC in Annapolis, Maryland. She is author of Monogamy: The Untold Story and co-author [...]
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