5 Things to Do Instead of Have an Affair

[ 0 ] July 8, 2014 |

couple-fighting-on-couch ftLet’s face it – the incidence of affairs is only increasing. Research suggests that 25 percent to 70 percent of people have an affair in their lifetime. It’s hard to get exact numbers because it’s such secretive behavior, and people don’t want to admit to it. Plus, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to even define what constitutes an affair – for example, sexting with a co-worker, or developing an online sexual relationship, or establishing a strong emotional connection with someone even if there is no physical contact. In spite of their increasing frequency, affairs are usually extremely destructive to committed relationships. Oftentimes, the desire to have an affair takes people off guard. They typically don’t intend to cheat on their partner.

WATCH: How to Deal With a Selfish Lover

If you are struggling with an urge to have an affair, here are some things you can do to avoid taking that critical and often very damaging step:

1. Talk to your partner realistically

Tell your partner that you want to strengthen your bond because you want to prevent infidelity. Keep in mind that all romantic relationships require ongoing attention. As people age, it is natural for emotional and sexual needs to change. Re-assessing your union periodically can help you grow together rather than apart. What aspects of your connection can use some work? How can each of you love each other better? What do each of you need that you aren’t getting? Exploring these issues from a loving place will help to thwart a crisis in the future.

WATCH: Why Powerful Men Have Affairs

 2. Intensify your sexual relationship

Sometimes people have affairs because they feel that their sex lives have become stagnant. Couples commonly get stuck in sexual ruts. Obviously, dull couplepassionfeaturedand predictable sex is not particularly desirable. To avoid boredom, you have to periodically stretch your sexual boundaries. Experimenting with new things can help keep your sexual relationship interesting. Try playing with light bondage, blindfolds, or dramatic music. Stepping out of your sexual comfort zone on occasion will help keep your sex sexy.

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3. Go to a strip club together

Unfortunately, monogamy is not necessarily natural for primates – human primates included. In spite of feeling a strong love for their partner, some men and women still long for sexual variety. Because of the increasing opportunities for sexual stimulation provided by modern technology, people are tempted to cheat more than ever. Why not harness these desires and use them to fuel the passion between you? Some couples find that going to a strip club together gratifies a need for sexual variety while still maintaining fidelity and trust.

Related: Problems In Your Love Life? It’s Not Your Partner’s Fault

4. Intensify your heart connection

Sometimes what motivates people to cheat is a need for a stronger emotional bond. Women long to feel cherished, men long to feel appreciated, and everyone wants to feel loved. Life is stressful, and it is all too easy to become distracted by your many daily responsibilities while neglecting your significant other. Enrich your heart connection by making more eye contact while making love, focus on all the reasons you love your partner before you

Dr. Marianne Brandon

Dr. Marianne Brandon

are intimate, kiss lovingly and tenderly rather than offering mere pecks on the cheek, or write your partner a love letter. Allow for the sense of exposure that comes with acknowledging your love for your partner, because vulnerability can enhance intimacy.

5. Role play

Role playing during sex is another way to indulge your natural need for sexual variety while cultivating a monogamous bond. Couples can have fun playing doctor, photographer and model, blind date … the possibilities are endless. There are multiple websites where adults can obtain inexpensive costumes to enhance a role play experience. People resist role playing because they fear they will feel stupid at first. But if the alternative to feeling silly is feeling guilty and ashamed for cheating on your partner, feeling silly is a much better choice.

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Category: Intimacy, Marriage, Relationships

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About Dr. Marianne Brandon: Dr. Marianne Brandon is a clinical psychologist and Diplomat in sex therapy through AASECT. Dr. Brandon is Director of Wellminds Wellbodies LLC in Annapolis, Maryland. She is author of Monogamy: The Untold Story and co-author [...]
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