A Life of Love: Communicate Better with Loved Ones

[ 0 ] April 26, 2012 |

Dr. Pat Allen and the WANT Institute are proud to announce the release of the new book A Life of Love: How to Create Relationships You Want, written by Certified WANT Educator James Allen Hanrahan with Dr. Pat Allen. The book is based on the principles taught in the WANT Institute Training Program, “Educators of Effective Communication Strategies,” which is now available online.

Related: 5 Steps to Finally Find Love This Year

“It’s basically to give people communication tools they can use in their relationships,” Hanrahan told genConnect about the book. “It’s based on yin and yang energy — the polarity between men and women.”

“The key is to balance the masculine and feminine energy, he said, and “find someone who’s going to be the masculine and someone who is going to be feminine — opposites attract.”

Here’s an excerpt from A Life of Love:


All Men are Fixer Uppers

All men are fixer uppers. They are a combination of what they learned form their mother and all the women who’ve come before you. The learning curve for men and women is entirely different. For women, it’s an actual curve. For men, it’s more of a straight line with a slight rise at the end of it. Usually at the end of a relationship right around the time you say “I’m done.”

The time when he says, “I’m so sorry, I messed up. Can we get back together?” you say, “I’m done.” He asks “Why?” You say, ” You don’t have the feeling anymore.” Or as my wife says, “you killed my feeling.” Men are slow learners.

Do you do any kind of partner dancing, ballroom, tango, salsa? I met my wife dancing salsa. Partner dancing is a great example of the learning curve between men and women. When a woman first starts learning she catches on quickly. If she’s with a really good leader he can make her look really good quite easily. She says: “Wow I’m pretty good.”

Related: How to Start Dating Again After a Breakup

For men it’s entirely different. When a man starts learning it’s painful. Maybe because we are left brain and can do only one thing at a time. It’s painful to watch. If he dances with a good female follower, she’s no help. In fact, if she’s not patient she will look at him like he is an idiot. However, if a man persists, after awhile he’ll have what is called a “growth spurt.” After being terrible for months, he’ll suddenly be a good leader. As men, we remember the women who were patient with us and the ones who weren’t. It’s the same in relationships.

I ask women how they’re doing in their dating and they say, “Okay. But the guy asked me what I think and told me how he feels. I’m not dating him anymore.” I suggest to them that they be patient, that the learning curve is much different for men. I also say that it’s a tremendous gift when anyone is willing to be intimate with us for any length of time. And it’s an honor when people are willing to duke it out with us. In essence, be patient. All men are fixer uppers.

Related: After a Divorce, How Can I Meet the Right Person?

James Allen Hanrahan


Click here to get your copy of A Life of Love. For more information on WANT Training and other information from Dr. Pat Allen, go to www.WantInstitute.org and www.DrPatAllen.com or head to The Odyssey Theater in Los Angeles Monday nights, 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. PST for the Dr. Pat Allen Show, or the Wednesday Night Group in Newport Beach, CA, from 7 to 8:30 p.m. PST.

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Category: Dating, Marriage, Relationships

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About James Allen Hanrahan: James Allen Hanrahan is the author of A Life of Love: How to Create Relationships You Want and co-founder of changeyourlifeseries.com. He is a certified ASR educator and T.A. practitioner. He has studied with renowned [...]
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