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How to Have It All: 5 Steps to Finally Find Love

Tasha Dimling — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 08:15:43 +0000

Looking to find love? Tasha Dimling, “The Love Coach,” offers a step-by-step guide on how to get the guy and avoid failure in your love life this year

Do you want to find love this year? Have you ever wished you could “have it all?” This is your year!

Follow these steps to finally find love in 2012:

Step 1: Get completely clear about who you desire.

“The List” or not “The List?” That is the question. The answer is … absolutely The List. Make a list of 100 qualities you desire in your mate. Then, make a list of the 100 amazing qualities about you. Are you afraid to ask for what you really desire? When you make a wishy-washy list, you will attract a wishy-washy mate. You don’t think “he” is out there? If you exist, he exists.

Step 2: Decide you will attract love this year.

Decisions trump resolutions. The definition of a resolution is “a formal expression of opinion or intention.” Decision comes from the Latin word “decider,” which means, “to cut off from.” When you make a decision, you cut off any other possibility. Instead of just stating an intention and hoping it will come true, dare to decide and leave no other option but love.

Step 3: Make love #1 in your life.

Are you having trouble coming up with your priority list for 2012? Let me help you:

#1 Love.
#2 The rest.

True love is the path to everything … everything. Love motivates us to be successful in all aspects in life, from our careers to our relationships. When you allow love to drive your life, you will get what you want. Commit to love and love commits to you.

Step 4: Screw self-help!

It’s not about being complete, it’s about completely loving the real you. You are not broken. There is nothing to fix about you. As soon as you accept the authentic you, “he” will too. My life was a mess when my man came into my life. Please note: my life was a mess, not me. I was authentically me … with a lot of things happening with my family. He completely accepted me for who I am, and is standing next to me through the mess.

Step 5: Girls just want to have fun!

Stop taking life so seriously. What is more attractive: women having fun or women being serious? Take yourself on 30 Dates in 30 Days™ and have a blast! Brainstorm a list of 30 things you love to do and go do them. What is fun to you? What makes you giggle? What would make you giddy like a schoolgirl again? Do that. That’s hot.

And while you are at it: Stop Looking. How do you “find” love? You don’t. Be the real you, go out and have fun with your girlfriends, be open, and love will come to you.

How to Avoid Failure in Love This Year

Have you tried countless times to find love before, and failed? Follow these guidelines to avoid future failure in love:

Let love go. The cliché is true: If you love someone, let them go.

A variation on the theme is: If you want love, let it go. Make your list, check it twice, and trust Santa. As a child, did you doubt Santa? Now is not the time to start. Once you know what you want in love, let it go.

Stop trying to time love. This cliché is also true: Love comes into your life when you least expect it.

I lived a fabulous lifestyle in Aspen and was on my way to living a fabulous lifestyle in New York City. I had a plan, then life got beautifully messy. I came back to my hometown in Ohio to take care of my wonderful parents; I love them and I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I’m a control freak and my life was completely in chaos, and that’s when “he” came into my life. He saw on Facebook that I was coming to town, he asked me out to dinner, he wooed and courted me like a queen, and now we’re madly in love!

Don’t settle for “someone.”

Another way to avoid failure in attracting love this year is to not settle. The first time I did my 30 Dates in 30 Days™ in 2004, it didn’t work! Why? Because I skipped Step 1, which was “The List.” Within 30 days of completing my 30 dates, someone came into my life, but he wasn’t the one. Don’t make this mistake.

Now You Have Love, Now What?

Have an affair … with you!

When you’ve been in a relationship in the past, did your life ever revolve around him? He doesn’t want that. He fell in love with a fascinating woman with a fulfilling life. Be the woman he fell in love with in the beginning. Get a life and get back to being you. Take yourself on a fabulous two-hour affair every week—the more mysterious, the better. Trust me, he’ll find that sexy!

Forget the fear.

One of the other challenges my clients face is freaking out when they get what they want. The most incredible man came into my life and I kept saying, “I’m scared.” He patiently let me be scared until I came to the conclusion that it was silly. When I forgot the fear, our relationship flourished.

You can have it all…with the right man.

The only thing getting in the way of what you desire in love is you. Have you ever said to yourself, “When I lose 10 pounds, then I can start dating?” Or, “when I finally get that promotion, then I’ll be ready for a relationship?” The real reason I was single until I was 41 is because I couldn’t overcome my conundrum of love versus ambition. I thought that love and career success were mutually exclusive. Unfortunately, I had evidence to support it: One ex ran away when I wrote my book; another ex pulled away when I was on Vh1. Exes are exes for a reason.

What is the solution to having it all? Only say, “Yes” to the right man – the one who gets you and can handle you … all of you. When I told my current boyfriend that I’m moving from Ohio to New York City to pursue my dream of having my own television show, he said he “100 percent supports” me. That is love. That is a real man. He was the cure to my conundrum and the right man for me. With the right man, you can have it all!

So what is my New Year’s resolution? My man and I made the decision to “have it all … with each other” – and we do.

My wish for you is to find the right love for you this year!

xoxo,

Tasha The Love Coach

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Jennifer Aniston Engaged to Justin Theroux; How to Find Love

Tasha Dimling — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 11:45:40 +0000

Justin Theroux proposed to girlfriend Jennifer Aniston; Tasha Dimling ‘The Love Coach’ offers steps on how you can find – and keep – love

Justin Theroux, boyfriend of Jennifer Aniston, appears ready to get more serious. Theroux’s rep confirmed to People that after dating for a year, he proposed to Aniston.

“Justin Theroux had an amazing birthday on Friday, receiving an extraordinary gift when his girlfriend, Jennifer Aniston, accepted his proposal of marriage,” his rep told People. Aniston, 43, and Theroux, 41, an actor-screenwriter, have been dating for more than a year, and both starred in the film, Wanderlust.

Aniston was previously married to fellow actor Brad Pitt, while this will be the first marriage for Theroux.

__________________

Do you want to find love? Have you ever wished you could “have it all?” Well, Tasha Dimling, “The Love Coach,” offers a step-by-step guide on how to get the guy and avoid failure in your love life.

Step 1: Get completely clear about who you desire.

“The List” or not “The List?” That is the question. The answer is … absolutely The List. Make a list of 100 qualities you desire in your mate. Then, make a list of the 100 amazing qualities about you. Are you afraid to ask for what you really desire? When you make a wishy-washy list, you will attract a wishy-washy mate. You don’t think “he” is out there? If you exist, he exists.

Tasha Dimling

WATCH: Create Your Love Life Resume With Julia Spira

Step 2: Decide you will attract love.

Step 3: Make love #1 in your life.

Are you having trouble coming up with your priority list? Let me help you:

#1: Love.
#2: The rest.

Click here to read the rest of Tasha Dimling’s love tips on “How to Have It All”

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Single Ladies: Marriage Isn’t Obsolete, But Start With Love

Tasha Dimling — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 18:45:52 +0000

The Love Coach Tasha Dimling weighs in on recent viral stories that say as women climb the professional and educational ladders, the best men are falling off them; women shouldn’t feel obligated to adhere to the ‘Leave It to Beaver’ style of marriage

When it comes to women and their place in the workforce and the home, there seems to be a major shift occurring. In her piece, “All the Single Ladies,” that landed on the cover of The Atlantic last November, writer Kate Bolick took the country by storm when she wrote about how as women have climbed the professional and social ladders in recent years, men have fallen off it – leaving women’s options lacking when it comes to picking a mate.

“As women have climbed even higher, men have been falling behind,” she writes. “We’ve arrived at the top of the staircase, finally ready to start our lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up – and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don’t want to go out with.”

She also talked about how the “‘Leave It to Beaver’ style family model popular in the 1950′s and ’60s had been a flash in the pan,” and that many historians cannot “understand how people had become so attached to an idea [marriage] that had developed so late and been so short-lived,” since, previously, marriage had been a “primarily economic and political contract between two people, negotiated and policed by their families, church, and community.”

We reached out to The Love Coach Tasha Dimling for her thoughts on the story. Here’s what she says about certain aspects of Bolick’s conclusions [in italics]…

Bolick: “Recent years have seen an explosion of males joblessness and a steep decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted the “romantic market” in ways that narrow a marriage-minded woman’s options: increasingly, her choice is between deadbeats (whose numbers are rising) and playboys (whose power is growing).”

The first mistake “marriage-minded” women are making is being marriage-minded. It’s about love, not marriage.

My clients have a 100 percent success rate in attracting who they desire in love. In the past, I promised my clients marriage, but I had one woman get so obsessed with being married (rather than being with her true love), that she sabotaged everything. She attracted a man with the 100 qualities she desired, but then broke up with him because she didn’t think he would marry her by the time she was 35.

Start with love. If it’s meant to be, you will be married.

The article also mentions that a woman’s options are between “deadbeats” and “playboys.” Deadbeats and playboys have always been around. Both men and women have lost their jobs in this economy. A “deadbeat” is not a person who is jobless, it’s a person who throws a pity-party for himself every night rather than pounding the pavement for work every day.

Selection is the same today as it was one generation ago. Partner selection is meant to be based on character and actions, not current income. During my mom’s generation, couples typically met in college and got married upon graduation. Back then, the women had to bet on the future success of their men based on their character and actions. Today, women are also betting on men; they may be in between jobs, starting over in a new industry, looking for their next big client. Does the man have determination and drive? Actions speak louder than words. Always. What matters is, who he is and how he shows up every day.

One of my clients met a man who owned a $12 million home and an airplane, but was struggling to maintain that lifestyle in this economy. The man had the talent and ambition to create that level of financial abundance in the past. What mattered now was his attitude and actions; he showed up as go-getter and went for it every day.

Again, the marriage-minded women are decreasing their options by focusing on marriage, rather than loving the man.

Bolick: “It’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family – and to acknowledge the end of ‘traditional’ marriage as society’s highest ideal.”

Screw what society says is ideal. What is your ideal?

Marriage is what you and your partner make it. Marriage is still alive and well. What has evolved is the choice of roles within that commitment. You are always at choice. You can have a “traditional” marriage, if that is what you want. Or not. Half of the women I know are the breadwinners in their marriages and their husbands take care of the children. The other half are in “traditional” marriages.

Family is what you create. One of my sorority sisters from college is married to another woman; they have a baby; and are living happily ever after in Brooklyn. That is their gorgeous definition of “family.”

Romance is what you make it. Romance is alive and well, when you choose it to be. Want more romance in your relationship? Chemistry is created by the polarities of masculine and feminine. Be the beautiful, feminine woman you are, and he will treat you like a queen.

I spend 50 percent of my time teaching my female clients how to be feminine. This is not anti-feminist work; it’s quite the opposite. Women are more powerful than men … when we are women. We give up our powerful mystery and allure when we act like men. Do whatever you think you have to do in the corporate world to thrive, but when you walk through the door of your home, be a woman.

My partner wrote in an e-mail that he needed to be with a woman like me, who is ambitious,driven, and strong. He also courts me like a queen. I’m wildly ambitious from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m., then I turn off the testosterone and turn on being a beautiful, feminine woman. In my world, the man woos the woman, and I want to be the woman in the relationship. He romantically woos me with wining and dining, spa massages, flowers, gifts, and a candlelit bedroom.

Marriage is what you make it. Family is what you make it. Romance is what you make it. And it all begins with love.

Bolick: “I wasn’t ready to settle down.”

Tasha Dimling

Neither was I, until I was 41. Girls just want to have fun! For some of us, that’s being successful in business; for others, that’s traveling the world, being a mom philanthropic missions – the list is endless. Women want what they want, and get what they want.

“Every woman has the love life they desire”- from the movie, The Wedding Date.

I posted that on Facebook and the claws came out. Sorry, but it is absolutely true. The only thing getting in the way of what you want in love, is you. Everyone wants love. Even wealthy women, who can “afford” to be single, want to be loved. Again, this is not about marriage, it’s about love.

Bolick: “Falling in love and getting married may be less a matter of choice than a stroke of wild great luck.”

Fear or love; it’s a choice. You can either run around in desperation, afraid you’ll never be married, or choose love. You get what you say ‘yes’ to in life.

In the beginning of our relationship, my partner kept asking me, “What do you want?” I kept answering, “To have my own television show; live in New York City; for my family to be healthy; to be married; etc…” When I asked him what he wanted, he said, “To love and be loved.” I’ve learned so much from him about love. It’s about love, not marriage. If it’s meant to be, you will be married.

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How to Introduce Him to the Family

Tasha Dimling — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 13:23:55 +0000

Love Coach Tasha Dimling on how to be the best date, best guest, and how to introduce him the family

What kind of date do you want to have for Labor Day? Do you want an intimate barbeque for two? Do you want to have fun and be outside? Do you want to barbeque-hop with your date? The following are some dating activities for Labor Day: Barbeque for two with s’mores and champagne; fun baseball or volleyball game with friends; picnic in the park with her favorite foods; ride around on cruiser bikes and barbeque-hop; playful paddle-ball, badminton, or bocce ball in the park.

You have a day off work, so make it a day of play! And acknowledge what we are celebrating today in some special way, whether you say a speech to give thanks or simply give cheers our country.

Always have a Plan B, no matter what the weather. For example, you can still roast marshmallows over a candle and have s’mores and champagne on a blanket in your living room.

Easy Guidelines on Party Size:

Dating less than one month = a barbeque for two
More than one month = meet the friends
More than two months = meet the family!

How to Prepare for the Parties:

Does your date involve meeting new people? Will he be meeting the family? Give him a run-down of who’s who and any fun, eccentric personality traits; such as, Uncle Charlie cheats at cards and my parents like to bear hug everyone who walks through the door.

Teach him any card games your friends and family usually play at the holiday, so he can join in. Buy flowers for him to give to the hostess, just in case he is nervous and forgets. And simply ask him what would make him more comfortable.

How to Be the Best Date:

Give your friends and family a big hug, then immediately introduce her. Make an effort to make the rounds; do your best to introduce her to everyone at the party. Stay by her side. Many women are secure and self-confident in social situations … and stick around until everyone is easily mingling. Make her feel comfortable; even if she says something a little quirky because she’s nervous, laugh with her. Be a gentleman; get her drinks or walk with her when she gets a drink.

How to Be the Best Guest:

Make an effort to meet everyone. Bring a little something for the hostess from flowers to a bottle of booze. Unless the invitation says “potluck,” don’t bring any food, for fear of insulting the chef and “grill master.” (Exception: if you have food allergies or are a strict vegetarian.) Ask him what little gift his mom/hostess may want. Guys sometimes don’t know; flowers are foolproof.

Have a Good Time!

Even if you’re meeting “the family” for the first time, have a good time and everyone will get along. Even if you’re shy, you can still be engaging. Think of a few conversation starters just in case; such as, How do you know [your date]? What are you looking forward to this summer? What is a funny story you can tell me about [your date]? Not their date, your date. Everyone likes an embarrassing story and it gets people laughing.

Tasha Dimling

What Could go Wrong?

Nothing. If you simply set the intention to be open and have a good time, nothing will go wrong. The flowers could die from the heat; you could put your foot in your mouth with his mom; you could spill your beer in the beans. What people will remember is the good time they had that day and that you were a part of it.

I wish you a Happy Labor Day!

It is my pleasure to serve you in love.

xoxo,

Tasha

More From Tasha Dimling:

For sex advice:

Have Better Orgasms (Women’s Health)
6 Sex Tips from the Animal Kingdom (Women’s Health)

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Eva Longoria: I Want to Be a Mom

Tasha Dimling — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 12:00:20 +0000

Eva Longoria is best-known for her role as Gabrielle on the hit ABC show, “Desperate Housewives.” But in the past year, her life was also splashed all over the tabloids because of her high-profile divorce from basketball star Tony Parker.

Despite the hurt she felt during that chapter of her life, the beautiful 36-year-old actress told kitchen queen Rachel Ray that she still wants a family.

“[I want to] have kids and be a mom,” Longoria said during a taping of the Rachel Ray Show, the episode of which will air Monday, according to People. She also says she fears going back out into the dating world. Longoria has been linked to actress Penelope Cruz’s younger brother Eduardo Cruz since February.

“I’m not very approachable,” she said. “I’m not good with [dating], I get really nervous! It’s probably strange [that] I’ve never been a dater. I’ve been married or in a relationship, and so this is going to be, you know, scary.”

Longoria also told CNN’s Piers Morgan that in her family, divorce is not an option, which made her split from Parker even more painful. “It was devastating to go through on its own, much less, publicly, for anybody,” she said.

Longoria always imagined she would be married for life, saying: “Marriage in my family is really a sacred sacrament. It wasn’t something we did frivolously.” In fact, her family always joked: “I’ll kill him before I divorce him.”

genConnect relationship expert Tasha Dimling, aka “The Love Coach,” helps singles become “The Perfect Catch” and attract the man or woman of their dreams. She suggests several pointers for finding the one to walk down the aisle with, not least of which is: Stop preparing for marriage and know you are perfect.

“You don’t need to do anything. You just need to be you. It’s not about the size of your thighs or your bank account. You are perfect just the way you are,” Tasha says. “If you don’t believe me, believe Billy Joel: ‘Don’t go changing to try and please me…I want you just the way you are.’ That is the way marriage is meant to be. Do you accept that you are perfect today?”

Her other tips include: Play up your uniqueness; be the real “you;” get back to being the “beautiful you” you may have been before a relationship pulled you away from who you really are; stop putting pressure on marriage; and choose standards over ultimatums. “Know your worth and what works for you,” she adds.

Good advice to live by!

For related stories:

Stop Preparing for Marriage…and You Will Get Married

Love Coach Tasha Dimling: Honesty is the Best Policy in Dating

Tina Fey is Having Baby No. 2; Being a Working Mom in Entertainment

Kate Gosselin Dishes on Dating Life After Divorce

Janet Taylor: After a Divorce, How Can I Meet the Right Person? (VIDEO)

Stop Preparing for Marriage … And You Will Get Married

Dr. Pat Allen: The Three Types of Dating

Are You The One for Me?

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For more daily expert updates, follow genConnect on Twitter and Facebook
To stay on top of Tasha Dimling’s latest posts, as well as the latest contributions from other experts on the site: Sign Up for genConnect.

These are one expert’s views on the news. Share with us your thoughts in the comments box below.

Love Coach Tasha Dimling: Honesty Is the Best Policy in Dating

Tasha Dimling — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 13:46:33 +0000

The Importance of Being Honest in Any Relationship

Tasha Dimling

Have you ever pretended to be something you are not in order to attract someone? Are you pretending you love jogging in order to date a marathon runner? Are you overcompensating by being artificially sweet? Even the smallest fibs that seem harmless at first, such as acting like you love football, will come back and bite you. You’ll end up spending every weekend and Monday night eating wings and watching the games.
If you are pretending, you will get caught. Projection is: Whatever the truth is on the inside is being broadcast out to the world, whether you like it or not. Many of my clients have told me that they’ve played dumb for a man. Why? for a highly successful woman dating someone who may not be as accomplished, there can be fears that her achievements could come across intimidating. Don’t play dumb. Don’t devalue yourself. Your date will be more insulted that you felt the need to do that.

Opposites attract. Don’t worry if you don’t like all the same things. Your relationship is not doomed. I chatted with a man on the gondola in Aspen, C.O. the other day. He said he’s madly in love with his wife of 18 years, and the only activity they have in common is … what they do in the bedroom!

Send authentic signals. When I first moved 10 years ago to Aspen, I pretended I loved to ski as an attempt to attract men. I spent thousands of dollars on ski lessons, trying to force a self-fulfilling prophecy. Turns out, I didn’t need to. I soon learned that the men I was dating, all of whom were phenomenal skiers, accepted and adored the fact that I wasn’t great at the sport but had a ball doing hanging out.

The last time you went out, or flirted on Facebook, what signals did you send? Did you tell any white lies to get a guy? Being the real you is respectful. Even if you’re shy, you can be real without exposing yourself right away. An easy response to a question you’re not ready to answer is, “Why do you want to know?”.

Don’t trick him to attract him. If you’re seeking a committed relationship, don’t give signals that you’re simply looking for a casual hookup with no strings attached. Both of you will get hurt in the end.

Be upfront with what you really want. You are a beautiful, unique woman worthy of the kind of love you desire. If you only want great sex, great! Don’t be afraid to ask for that. It’s not about being something you are not in order to attract someone; it’s about being the real you to attract Mr. Right. Celebrate your eccentricities—your amazing and quirky character traits, how intelligent you are, your wacky sense of humor, your attention to detail!

More From Love Coach Tasha Dimling:
Stop Preparing for Marriage … And You Will Get Married

Are you pretending to be something you’re not in order to attract someone?
What are your favorite eccentric qualities about you? And why do they make you fabulous?
What do you really want your love life to look like?

It is my pleasure to assist you in love.

xoxo,

Tasha The Love Coach

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Stop Preparing for Marriage … and You Will Get Married

Tasha Dimling — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 08:00:48 +0000

You are perfect just the way you are.

Stop preparing for marriage and know you are perfect. You don’t need to do anything. You just need to be you. It’s not about the size of your thighs or your bank account. You are perfect just the way you are. If you don’t believe me, believe Billy Joel: “Don’t go changing to try and please me…I want you just the way you are.” That is the way marriage is meant to be. Do you accept that you are perfect today?

What makes us unique makes us attractive.

There are a lot of five-foot-eight-beautiful-blondes out there. What distinguishes you is your unique beauty. Today, one of my male clients told me he is “absolutely in love!” And he talked about how “quirky and funny” she is. What are your funny quirks? What is your eccentric essence? That is what Mr. Right will find adorable about you. That is what makes you one-of-a-kind to your one true love.

Be the real you and be real.

My work with clients involves helping them become “The Perfect Catch” to attract Mr. or Mrs. Right. Do you want to know a secret? You are The Perfect Catch when you accept the authentic you exactly as you are and emanate your truth. In other words, be the real you and be real. “He” wants to meet the real you, not the fake you. Some people pretend to be something they are not in order to get a guy; that only ends in disaster and divorce. Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. What fake feathers do you need to pluck, if any?

Get back to being the beautiful you.

I had a client who was in a seven-year relationship when she came to me. During Jane’s first session, I asked her what she truly desired in love. She said, “I want to be engaged.” I made her aware that we can’t control what other people do. So instead, Jane set an intention to, “Trust my process.” Her process was all about being the woman he originally fell in love with. Within 30 days after completing my love system, her boyfriend took her to Mexico and proposed. Jane went from “Forever Girlfriend to Engaged!”

Who were you when you first met? Were you exciting, mysterious, passionate, independent, fascinating, carefree, etc.? Who are you now with all your “responsibilities and obligations?” Get back to being the beautiful you!

Stop Putting Pressure on Marriage.

When you put pressure on him, you push him away. Men want to make the women they love happy. One of the grandest gestures a man can give a woman is a ring and asking for her hand in marriage. When you put pressure on them, you take away their excitement of surprising you and making you the happiest you could be. Let the man be the man and decide when to do it. It won’t take away your power; you still have the power to say yes or no.

Choose standards over ultimatums.

Do you know the song, “Single Ladies” by Beyonce? How long are you willing to wait for him to “put a ring on it?” Know your worth and what works for you. It’s not about threatening the man with ultimatums and making him marry you; it is about deciding whether or not he meets your standards as a man and your partner and being on the same page about your relationship. If you need to give an ultimatum, ask yourself, does this man and our relationship meet my standards? If he doesn’t value you enough to marry you in three years, is he the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Please note: everyone’s timeline is different. What is yours? Value yourself enough to know your standard and honor it.

Be “The Perfect Catch” by remembering you are perfect.

And enjoy getting what you want in love!

It is my pleasure to assist you in love.

xoxoxoxo,

Tasha The Love Coach

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