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Could Cleaner Environments Contribute to Autism?

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:00:34 +0000

During Autism Awareness Month, Child development specialist Margery Fridstein talks new immune system research that may contribute to autism

As a grandparent of adult children having babies, my greatest fear is that their baby will be autistic. So I avidly follow reports on autism research. I had a moment of relief from recent research indicating that the sperm of older fathers increased the chances of autism. None of my families have older fathers. However if I thought beyond my personal concern and reviewed my professional experience, through the years I have worked as a psychotherapist and child development consultant with many young couples with autistic children.

It was Moises Velasquez-Manoff’s August 25, 2012, article in the New York Times that really made sense to me. Velaquez-Manoff is a journalist specializing in science. From his review of the current scientific research he titled his article, “An Immune Disorder at the Root of Autism.” And I think he is right. It makes better sense to me than early immunization shots, age of the sperm, medication used at delivery, better diagnosis or some of the other theories we grab at to understand the phenomenal increase in the incidence of autism. Velasquez-Manoff writes that it is estimated 1 in 88 children are afflicted with the disorder. Wow, that is really scary. When I last researched autism for an article I wrote in 2008, the statistic I quote was 1 in 150 births in the United States.

Velasquez-Manoff reports on a 20-year, population-wide study in Denmark, which concludes that autism begins in the womb. Infection of the mother during pregnancy highly increases the risk of autism. Interestingly, it is not the infection that increases the risk, but rather the body’s fight against the infection that is culprit. The way our body needs to fight infection is more complicated than it was in earlier times when the body was more accustomed to constantly fight infection. Now, with a much cleaner systemic environment, the process of fighting infection causes the body is to be prone to inflammation, which in turn leaves it more susceptible to autoimmune diseases. Examples are the increase in allergies, asthma, and rheumatoid arthritis. Dr. Kevin Becker, a geneticist at the National Institute of Heath is quoted by Velasquez-Manoff as pointing out that microbial deprivation attributed to allergic disease should apply to autism, as well.

According to Dr. William Parker, a researcher on the immune system at Duke University, “the immune system we consider normal is actually an evolutionary aberration.” Our body has lost its ability to fight the invader. In a Cambodian population autism was almost non-existent — that population lived with parasites and acute infections.

Research shows that our immune system anticipates microbes, parasites and some viruses, and when they are missing, the organism becomes unhinged. Dr. Parker recommends an ecosystem restoration project. “Fix the maternal dysregulation and you’ll most likely prevent autism,” he says. This doesn’t sound like an easy fix. However, researchers are now directing their attention towards developing drugs with anti-inflammatory properties that will be safe for use during pregnancy.

The hardship of autism is only really understood by the children and parents that live with it day in, day out. My hope is that resources to find a cure are as plentiful as services are to treat autistic children.

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Baby Boomers & Making Choices

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 14:15:45 +0000

Two of my son-in-laws’ fathers died the same year my husband died. Hard for the five grandchildren to lose two caring grandfathers in the same year. All three men were over 80; had had long marriages and were healthy until the end.

Now, two years later, both sons are helping their moms in a variety of ways. Their situations are so similar and yet so different from mine. These two men live in different towns than their mothers and need to travel frequently on weekends to help their mothers manage. Currently both men, along with their sibs, are urging their moms to move out of the family home into some sort of a senior living facility. It has become so evident in both cases that what can be managed as a couple becomes much more difficult for an aging woman alone.

All of the above brings me to my recommendations. It is so important for aging people to plan for the future before the future happens. My husband and I did it in sort of a haphazard way and luckily he and I were happily settled in a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) before he died. In our case, we moved to an independent living residence with an included option of being cared for at The Care Center if our health fails. An arranged percentage of our entrance fee is returned to our heirs when we both die. Additionally, I pay a monthly fee, like a condo fee, which includes outdoor maintenance, maid service, one meal a day and numerous other wonderful amenities.

My son-in-laws’ mothers are lonely. Their driving is limited. Many of their friends have moved away or died. It’s depressing having dinner alone every night. And many of their meals are rather casual and not too healthy. Not me. I have made wonderful new friends and have the choice of great meals which I do not have to prepare. I’ve cooked long enough; I’m happy to trust a pro to cook many of my meals. And lots of planned activities are constantly available.

WATCH: Tips to Help Children Thrive

When my husband died, the outpouring of support and concern was remarkably healing for me. Here, we are all in the same boat sooner or later and we instinctively reach out to each other in a caring empathic way. I am particularly lucky that one of my daughters and family live 15 minutes away. My other three children and their families, widely scattered, visit frequently. Their visits are not of necessity, like the visits the son-in laws are making to their mothers now, but rather ‘how you doing mom’ sort of visits.

There is a moral to this story. Seniors – Baby Boomers – need to be educated to the necessity of preparing for the long life that seems to be in their future. Just waiting for it to happen is not the way to go. We need a public relations campaign to make them aware of the urgent need to plan for their future living.

Prior to moving into our CCRC, my husband and I had moved from our family home and were happily living in the mountains. However, after 20 years of a wonderful life there, we decided we needed a lower altitude. Our four children each live in a different time zone but we never considered that it would be important to live close to any of them. We did decide we wanted to be close to a large airport, so if we needed them they could fly to us with ease. So we moved to an independent living villa, part of a CCRC living residence.

I have learned from my four years at my CCRC how important it is that older folks choose their final residential location close to one of their children if it is at all possible. “Independent living” is what the name implies. If you need any kind of special care, support, intervention, it’s not going to come from the independent living personnel. We are not their responsibility. When I need a complicated medical procedure, it’s nice if my daughter can go with me. When my car needs something special that I don’t understand, I am happy I have family to help. Night rides home from the airport offered by my kid are helpful. Yes, as long as I am well and vigorous I could probably do it all myself, but it’s great that I don’t have to. So I have learned and now seriously recommend to friends, if at all possible choose senior living in the area where your kids live. I have friends at my CCRC in the Denver area that have moved from New York, Louisiana, Montreal, San Francisco, not because they wanted to live in Denver, but rather because they wanted to be close to family. They were smart, I was lucky.

I feel very secure knowing that a Care Center with assisted living, skilled nursing and memory support is part of my community. If I become limited for a while or permanently and cannot live on my own, there will always be a place for me. I need never be a burden on my children. That is why my friends and I have chosen a CCRC. I find it is not only a wise choice but a happy one, as well.

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Psychotherapist Margery Fridstein: ‘Let The Kids Have Santa Claus’

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Why child development specialist Margery Fridstein recommends nurturing the cultural experience of Santa

Let the kids have Santa Claus.

As a psychotherapist and a child development specialist, I’ve heard all the arguments:

“He’s 7 years old and in first grade and he still believes in Santa. My husband says I should tell him the truth.”

“We’re a Jewish family and we don’t believe in Christmas, so how can we allow her to believe in Santa?”

“We teach our children not to lie, so we must not lie about Santa Claus.”

I cannot argue with the parents who make these statements. And yet I argue for Santa. A child who isn’t allowed to believe in Santa is missing out on a lot. Parents do their kids a disservice when they keep them from the myth of the jolly, round, white-bearded man with the red checks and the red and white tousled hat.

Isn’t it amazing that Dancer and Prancer and Rudolph can find all of our homes? And that Santa slides down our chimneys? And if we’ve been good, he leaves us gifts. It’s surprising he doesn’t get stuck. Maybe we should leave a snack for Santa and his reindeer. They’ve been working pretty hard all night.

Fantasy is a young child’s escape from the reality of the rules of growing up. The 21st century is not easy on any of us. We all need some fantasy to survive. How about Avatar, video games, Harry Potter? Children absorb the fear of parents, and today’s parents have plenty of fears for their children. We supervise our children all the time (who knows what might happen otherwise?).

J.M. Barrie wrote, “Once upon a time, there was a boy named Peter Pan, who decided not to grow up.” Children and adults cheer when they read or hear Peter say, “I do believe in fairies, I do! I do!” There is a Peter Pan in all of us. And it’s that magical thinking that helps up develop the resilience to deal with the reality we face as we do grow up.

Sure, there is a commercial and a religious side of the Santa experience that lead some families not to promote the story, but I think their kids miss a magic that exists only in childhood.

Every child is exposed to Santa Claus, but some very caring parents are so eager to foster their children’s cognitive development that they have little tolerance for a prolonged Santa experience. There is nothing more wonderful than for a bright, reality oriented, school-age child to be able to regress to Santa at Christmas time. Of course, he may really know the score, but he wants to be a little boy one more time. Don’t spoil it for him.

Research has shown that children who play imaginatively in their early years more often think creatively and solve problems effectively when they grow up.

Some parents worry about lying to their children. When your child starts asking if there really is a Santa, you can turn the question back to him: “What do you think?” Usually he will say he thinks there is one, and you can say, “Sounds good to me.” And so for one more year, your child can have the symbolic experience of giving with love.

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC

As a very young child, I remember looking at an odd patch in the ceiling of my small bedroom and thinking it was Santa watching me to make sure I was good enough to deserve presents. And I guess I was good enough.

Then came the day I found the sled I wanted hidden under my parent’s bed. How did that happen?

When raising our four children, we had a friend who dressed as Santa and came to our house Christmas Eve. One year, my oldest child noticed that Santa and I used the same paper to wrap gifts. My answer: “That’s amazing, isn’t it?”

Loving, caring, imagining, believing and simple goodness are all part of the cultural experience of Santa, and I recommend nurturing it.

P.S.: I’m also an advocate for the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.

More from Margery Fridstein: How to Help Your ADHD Child

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Considering a Sperm Donor?

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC — Sun, 17 Jun 2012 09:30:07 +0000

Father’s Day: Dr. Margery Fridstein reacts to a Father’s Day op-ed piece by a young man who talks about the ‘void’ instilled in children born from artificial insemination – how they want to know their fathers, and to send the message that sperm donors are fathers, too

In my practice of psychotherapy, I usually support adopted clients who wanted to find their birth parents. Even when one is raised by wonderful adoptive parents, the mystery of who I am always remains. And today, many birth parents have some connection with their birth child.

Now fast forward.

Again, I have usually been supportive of couples or singles that have discovered that artificial insemination of a donor egg or sperm is the only way they can parent a child. Never until today have I related the feeling of children conceived this way to those of an adopted child. Certainly my blind spot.

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC

Having read Colton Wooten’s op-ed article, “A Father’s Day Plea to Sperm Donors” in the Sunday New York Times, my eyes have been opened. Of course kids want to know who their parents are. This is psychologically and medically very important.

Whether egg or sperm donors will be willing to disclose their identity is a complicated issue. My take from Wooten’s very moving essay is to urge parents seeking donor eggs and sperms in their effort to have a baby to reconsider their wish. Whose needs are more important – theirs’ or their unborn child’s?

I know “A Father’s Day Plea to Sperm Donors” will have a huge impact on how I counsel childless singles and couples in the future.

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How to Help Your ADHD Child, by Margery Fridstein

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC — Tue, 31 May 2011 15:27:13 +0000

Psychotherapist and child development specialist Margery Fridstein gives parenting strategies on raising a child with ADHD

You suspect your child is ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder). You look the symptoms up on the web; you talk to the teacher; the behavior at home is driving you crazy; eventually you talk to the doctor. There is no simple blood test for this neurobiological disorder, so to get more information for a diagnosis your doctor may recommend that you consult with a mental health professional. Sometimes a child that appears to be ADHD is not ADHD, but rather reacting emotionally to the stresses in his or her family life.

An accurate diagnosis is the first step in helping your child. Girls are sometime harder to diagnose than boys because their lack of hyperactivity makes them less noticeable as a problem. The second step is to develop a workable treatment plan.

It’s hard parenting an ADHD child. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. As a parent you need to find strategies that are appropriate for your special child. Many ADHD kids are extremely distractible, often recklessly impulsive and so hyperactive that sitting still is almost impossible. However, never forget that they are wonderful and someday may be hugely successful, but living with them and helping them grow up is demanding. If it’s any help, you’re not alone. According to pediatrician Michael Reiff’s research, 6% to 9% of the American school age population has this disorder. We now know that it’s likely if a child is ADHD, that one of their parents were diagnosed or undiagnosed with ADHD when they were growing up. We once thought that this was a childhood problem but we now know that ADHD stays with a person throughout life.

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC

In my long career as a psychotherapist and child development specialist I find there are three forms of parental approaches once ADHD has been diagnosed. One group of parents oppose medication and seeks only behavioral solutions; another group clamors for medication, even for preschool kids who are too young to be medicated, and then expects the medicine to miraculously solve all the problems. The approach I recommend is to follow your doctor’s medication recommendation, offer your child a structured home life and be an advocate for your child at school and in the community. It may be helpful to work with a mental health professional who can help the family offer the necessary structure and work one to one with your child to help him better deal with the stresses of being ADHD.

I recommend these parenting strategies:

Be proactive in finding a classroom teacher that understands the needs of your child.
At home give one command at a time—ADHD kids lack the ability to pay attention to a series of commands.
Written lists of daily expectations are helpful.
Be sure your child has a binder and uses it for school assignments.
Prepare your child when you are taking him into a social situation—offer a reward for good behavior—clearly state the consequences for non compliance— have him review the plan for you-give the reward immediately after the event.
Read the book, ADHD: What Every Parent Needs to Know, edited by Michael Reiff, MD and published by the AmericanAcademy of Pediatrics.
Be aware of Dr. Edward Hallowell’s offer of encouragement. Dr. Hallowell is a noted authority on ADHD, the author of Driven To Distraction, and other books. “Although ADHD can generate a host of problems, there are also advantages …such as high energy, intuitiveness, creativity, and enthusiasm, and they are completely overlooked by the ‘disorder’ model. The disorder didn’t keep me from becoming a doctor, and it hasn’t kept many others from far greater success in a wide variety of fields.”

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How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex, by Margery Fridstein

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 12:00:48 +0000

Parents need to talk to their kids about sex. And they need to do it at a much earlier age than their parents talked to them.

I find that kids – some as young as 7 – who come to my office have no hesitancy in talking about sexual topics that they have picked up from their parents, their older siblings or the media. That doesn’t mean they understand what they are saying, but they experience no taboos in talking about boobs, penises and making out. As parents, we are proud when our kids are inquisitive and we consider it being a good parent to find answers for them. And sex is no different from understanding why the sky is blue or why mommy and daddy don’t live together any more. Talking about sex doesn’t require a special presentation; it needs to be as much a part of daily living as any other topic parents educate their kids about.

All the research tells us that kids are much less likely to act out sexually when they know their parents’ values and expectations. And the best way to learn their parents’ values is through conversation. Kids are always curious about their friends’ mothers’ pregnancies or the pregnancy in their home, if that be the situation. They may or may not ask, but this is a perfect opportunity to begin educating. The old story of a seed which began to grow is no longer the answer for our 21st century kids. And remember the best way for this discussion is like any other one, on the go. No sitting down and “now we will talk about pregnancy.” Pregnancy can lead into birth control, sexually transmitted disease, the appropriate age for sexual activity and why. And like any other topic, sex needs to be talked about throughout your child’s development; from simple facts for young children to more sophisticated discussions as the children get older.

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC

Regarding the recent Philadelphia Daily News article about making condoms available to boys as young as 11, from what I know about middle-school boys, they will order condoms and then blow them up like a balloon and have a great time playing with them. Come on, get real! That’s no solution to a serious problem. Appropriate education is!

Margery Fridstein, MA, LPC, is a Denver-area psychotherapist who counsels children, adolescents, and adults, and specializes in parenting, grandparenting, divorce, remarriage and grief. She is also the author of Grandparenting: A Survival Guide: How Better to Understand Yourself, Your Children, and Your Children’s Children

For more stories:

Philadelphia STD Campaign Includes Mailing Condoms to Kids (POLL)

Helping Your Children Control Their Impulses Makes Them better Students

Top 20 Documents to Have ‘Just in Case’

What’s More Difficult to Talk About Than Sex? Money!

Talking to Children About Sickness and Death

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