The Agony of Saying No

[ 0 ] May 5, 2015 |

“Don’t give up! The beginning is always the hardest!Screen Shot 2014-07-17 at 9.50.33 PM

What stands in the way of you saying “no?” For some of us, just having the awareness starts us on a healthy path. We can begin to interrupt the automatic pattern of immediately saying “yes.” We find tools to trick our body into saying nothing versus saying the automatic “yes.” (Remember the man who started saying I don’t know until he got home where he then said to himself “what was I thinking, of course I don’t want to do that”.) For some of us, it is just the normal pattern of changing a habit. It takes lots of repetitions and then we are on to a new way of life that supports rather than sabotages us.

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Unfortunately, for others of us it is not so easy. We have a million rules in our rulebook that tell us why we should say “yes.” These rules are powerful messages that have been said to us over and over so we now believe they are the truth.

Some of these crippling messages are:

  1. I need to be perfect before I can say “no.”
  2. I will be the cause of the conflict if I say “no” and I hate conflict.
  3. It is selfish to say “no.”
  4. I am not worthy so why would I do something to take care of me, I need to take care of others.
  5. People won’t like me if I say “no.”
  6. I will looe this person if I say “no.”
Anne Brown

Dr. Anne Brown

These are some of the rationalizations and they are powerful! So let’s try to trick them. Being born in the United States should give you the right to say No. If you are presently in an abusive situation you need to get out before you can say No. There are organizations to help you remove yourself from abusive situations. Call one and get help if this describes you.

WATCH: How Parents Can Help Kids Avoid the Self-Esteem Trap

If you are in a safe place it is important you begin a daily ritual that you tell yourself you have the right to say No every day because you were born. No other reason. I have the right to say No because I am alive. Start with the easier No’s, doing a favor for someone and move to the more challenging ones, sex and money. Going through life with the ability to say No when you need to will lift one of the huge emotional burdens you have been carrying around! Start today!

“Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.” Og Mandino

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Category: Dating, Divorce, Family, Loss & Grieving, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships

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About Anne Brown: Dr. Anne Brown, PhD, RNCS of Aspen Progressive Addiction Solutions and who is in private practice specializing in addictions, has served as the trusted advocate and advisor to Influential Corporate leaders, Trial Attorneys, Athletes, Leaders, [...]
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